Tag Archives: moron

It’s the principle, not the Principal of the matter

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I’m not a fan of guns, and would think that most reasonable people would agree that guns in schools are a bad idea (Remember when the pro-gun boys showed up on the blog to have a say and hilarity ensued?  Good times.).

It seems that some school boards have a no toy gun policy to support the no real gun thing, which probably makes sense to most folks too.  Some toy guns look pretty real, and that could result in mistakes and tragedy.

Still, sometimes you just have to wonder what some folks are thinking:  a fourth-grader got hauled into the principal’s office in New York for playing with his LEGO in the school cafeteria (the horror…), one piece of which was a 2 inch toy gun.  The principal (decided her life was in danger and) ended up threatening the boy with suspension.  Here’s a chilling picture of the murderous weapon with which she was threatened.

Um ya.

This is exactly what the folks who wrote the policy were thinking, I’m sure.  You know what else?  I’m thinking they should remove all of the capital “L” magnets from the kindergarten rooms because if those suckers ever fall over just so, my god!  It’s a perfect replica of a Luger, and it’s pointed right at Timmy!  Heaven help the poor kid that tries to pick it up, he will probably be swarmed by three cops.

Sigh.  Doesn’t this sound a little nuts?  I mean, a LEGO gun?  Even the kid’s police officer father thinks they went a tad far beyond reason.  The mom is thinking of suing, and I say go for it.

Here’s the whole story.

God Bless The Markered Morons

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There isn’t a human alive that won’t feel better about themselves after hearing the tale of these two knuckleheads.

Let’s go rob a house!

Cool!  But we don’t have masks…

No worries, we will disguise ourselves with this Sharpie marker.

Awesome!  I want to be Catwoman!

What? Um, ok.  I think I will just colour my whole face in, except my nose, cause that would look sooo stupid if I coloured my nose…

Yeah!

marker morons

The best part of their disguise isn’t that it does nothing to conceal their identities of course, but rather the fact that they didn’t can’t take it off afterwards (assuming it occurred to them that they should take it off), and hilarity ensued.  I bet the cop who stopped them had to call for backup, he probably couldn’t see from the tears of laughter.

So, thank you, young morons.  My step is a little more sprightly, my back is straighter, and my outlook is refreshed.  No matter what I do today, I’m pretty fairly extremely confident that it will turn out better than this.

Thanks to Boing Boing and Neatorama for bringing this to my attention, and I stole the Catwoman joke, too.  I don’t even feel bad about it, because of the lift these two retards brought to my day.

CNN has the original story.

My wife and I live apart, but she wants a baby

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This title came across my feed reader today, and for some morbid reason I clicked it.  It’s an advice column at the Globe and Mail, and man is it good.

Here’s the question, amazing as it is, and the columnist answers it in awesome sarcastic fashion.

My wife and I have been in a long-distance relationship that began shortly before the marriage, and has lasted for six years. She moves from one job to another in different countries. Both of us work in very specialized professions, which we can only practise from our respective locations. I cannot ask her to quit her profession, and I don’t want to quit mine.

We see each other about once a year for maybe a week or two, but maintain a weekly phone call.

Recently she has been talking having children. And because we really don’t have the time to be together, she wants to go through IVF. She plans to take a year off as maternity leave, and then go to work in Nairobi for two years. And God knows where else after that.

I have always encouraged her to pursue what she wanted. However, I have been asking myself if there is any point in maintaining this relationship. Am I being selfish to think we should separate?

You really need to read this.

Exercise is a good thing, even if it’s only for kicking young people’s butts.

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If you ever needed an excuse to stay in shape as you get older, how’s this one for you?

A neighbourly disagreement over loud music and noise ended rather badly for a complete moron who deserved exactly what he got.  A 24 year old drunken arsehole tried to break into the home of a 72 year old man and his wife and threatened them with a knife, but ended up getting the crap kicked out of him by the homeowner who just happened to be a former boxing champion in his youth.  The pictures of this moron are so fitting, it’s got to be karma.  It couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy, it seems. The ex-boxer apparently landed just two punches, but from the pictures it looks more like the guy was in a car accident.  Definitely not someone to be messed with.  Saw the link on Boing Boing first.

We have covered kick-ass elderly folks before, and to be honest it makes me very happy to think that I might be strong and able for a while to come.  It’s going to be a necessity so I can try to keep three children in line, right?  Not to mention two huge dogs.

Finally, from the blog of one of the creators of P90x (again, which I have talked about before and am still using) a wonderful soundbite from that paragon of rational thought, as well as physical fitness, Rush Limbaugh.  Click through to hear this idiot say with a straight face that folks who exercise are what’s putting a strain on the American health care system.  Good lord, but this guy is a jerkoff.

Thankfully, they didn’t get greedy

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Remember the case against Jammie Thomas?  The single mom of four kids who got sued by the RIAA for downloading some songs from the Internet?  The jury came back and awarded the RIAA damages to the tune of $1.9 million dollars, which works out to $80 000 per downloaded song.  I’m sure that Richard Marx and Reba McIntyre have been waiting for that $80k, which I’m sure they will be seeing very soon.  All single mothers of four keep a contingency fund of millions just in case they get caught downloading songs.

The good news is, now that the regular folks see that the RIAA means business, boy, everyone is going to stop downloading music for free for sure.

fyi, that was sarcastic…

Mr. Bud Light Head Stages Daring Daylight Robbery

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A new menace has arisen, only God knows where he will strike next (but probably at the next IHOP).  A terrifying bandit wearing an empty Bud Light case on his head robbed a convenience store in the early hours on Monday morning.  The sheer diabolical competence of the supervillain was such that he was able to rob the store and get away with 9 whole packages of cigarettes.  Yes packages, not cartons.  The estimated haul is difficult to conceive but it probably adds up to almost, ALMOST 50 bucks.  Incredible.

Police advise the public to be on the lookout for a man with a large, square, box shaped head with cigarette smoke billowing out from underneath.  Suspect is considered to be slow, dimwitted, and probably has a pronounced cough. It’s considered very likely that he will don a Three Wolf Moon shirt to become well nigh invincible soon.

Terrifying times.  Hug your children tonight.