So, for those of you who don’t already know, I was laid off from my job at Deloitte in June. An absolute gift really as now I’m at home with the kids for the summer with a nice severance and enjoying them tons more than my 2-3 weeks holidays would have allowed… not to mention the hours were less than desirable at busy season and the manager I directly reported to did not appreciate my lust for life, as I’m pretty sure she loathed her own. A wonderful work environment. No?
So as any stay at home mom can attest to, when the house is full all day long the cleaning is much greater than when the house empties for the day. More meals to prep, more traffic, more activities.(No slight to the working mom, I was one of those too, and there are different struggles with that dynamic, no question – for example, “For the love of God and all that’s holy, why can’t I require less sleep and gain 6 hours in my day?”)
With that in mind, there are things that Court would do while I was working like the composting for example. He’d empty it every other day and from my perspective, magically the composter would be empty whenever required and I never had to manage it – Awesome! I never realized exactly HOW awesome that was until recently .
Like I said, there is more food prep and more activity now that we are all home, so our indoor composting bucket needs more dumping than it ever has before. As a result I asked Quinn to go dump the bucket a few days ago and he did. He said nothing of the event until I asked his brother a day or two later to do the same thing.
Q – “Cael, there are these lichens in there.”
Me – “what?”
Q – “Little white worms.”
Me – “Oh, maggots, I better go and check it out with you Cael”
So off the three of us go. Yes the three of us. I head out of course, as the leader, to see the degree of the situation (there is probably 30 or 40 in there, and I make a mental note to talk to Court about that). Cael was tasked with the dumping, so he is taking his job very seriously, and Quinn, our “lichen” expert is joining us out of sheer morbid curiosity.
Like the three musketeers we begin our adventure to the composter that is now in the middle of the driveway, and in plain view of the entire neighbourhood because it is city compost day. We all cozy up to the composter, and I show Cael with care how to maneuver the latch on the bin and I flip it up.
….
This is the part where I scream louder than I’ve EVER screamed, to the detriment of my own eardrums. The boys in suit scream like the girl that is their mother, and with new compost flinging everywhere from the bucket in Cael’s hand we all run to the front porch and cling to it like grim death. This became the unspoken “home base” we all needed.
What scared us? Maggots. There was no green to be seen inside that bin. They literally, no lie, swarmed out of the sides as daylight shone upon them, and when I released the lid in my screaming panic, it actually squished hundreds that poured out onto the rim. It was a horror show in a bin. I am gagging as I type this tale to you all.
…
Quinn is the first to break the silence that fear has imposed upon us as we all stare at each other through eyes like dinner plates.
Q – “Mom?”
Through thick swallows and a heaving chest providing the cleansing breaths that only a “home base” away from the maggots can provide I reply with a strong and solid “yeah?”
Q- “Um, you’re the parent…and you screamed and ran.”
Not a proud moment for sure. Thanks, and here’s a shout out to Captain Obvious for pointing that out. All I can do at this point is start a nervous and uncontrollable giggle at my epic fail to be the strong force that should protect my kids. “That’s right kids, every man for himself! Run like the wind, and GOD HELP YOU if you bring one in on your shoe!”
Quinn, who is always ready with a comment (not unlike his father), “I’ll bet that was really funny for anyone watching.”
We all of course laughed hysterically reenacting our ridiculousness because there is no way in hell, every neighbour would miss running to their windows to witness the display that followed three blood curdling screams. We all shone that day. Even Courtney. Go ahead … ask me how he also shone. Oh you crazy rapscallions have convinced me. …
Me – “Court, you wouldn’t believe what happened!” (I regale him with the horrific story over the phone)
Court -[snort, chuckle, guffaw] – “Um, [snicker snicker], honey…[snort snort]… it’s a COM-PO-STER”
…Think Sesame Street on that last sentence.
Me – (Another shout out to Captain Obvious) “I KNOW Huh-NEE…. but we have Kanata’s full maggot population in just OUR bin! What are we going to do?”
Court -[snort, chuckle, guffaw] – “Well sweetheart if you think you can singlehandedly circumvent the circle of life….[snort, chuckle, guffaw]”
….
So it was decided that I would NEVER do the composting again until winter. In my defense Quinn will attest that when he went to the composter originally there was only about 30-40 in there.
On another note… with the support I received from Court… there will be a surprise for him to follow. Perhaps one that will make it to the blog in the near future. Muhwahahahahaha!