I really loved the delicious part about how the heads of the big three American car companies showed up at a meeting with congress last week to beg for money and every one of them flew in a private jet.  Not together, but three separate private jets.  The media went nuts (as it should).  It takes clanking big nards to do that, I just think they are so out of touch with reality they had no idea what that looks like to normal people.  

(Ford CEO) Mulally made his case Tuesday before the committee saying he’s cut expenses, laid-off workers and closed 17 plants.

 

“We have also reduced our work force by 51,000 employees in the past three years,” Mulally said.

I’m sure those people you laid off are very happy to see that your life hasn’t changed one iota, and you couldn’t even manage to pretend to care.  Even on the most crass, corporate level this makes no sense that they didn’t see this coming.  I mean, these guys have media handlers, don’t they?  Maybe they should after this debacle.  Somebody to say;

“Uh maybe the private jet’s a bad idea today, Rick.”

“Whaat?  How will I get there?”

“Well we do make lots of vehicles, you could probably find one of our cars around somewhere…”

“Drive?  Aw, come on!  That’s like a whole day… Besides, our cars suck.”

“Ok, well how about a first class plane ticket then?”

“What, like with other people in the plane at the same time?  There might be someone else using my bathroom!  Eww!”

Methinks with this kind of razor-sharp intellect at the helms of these behemoths we will be seeing nothing in the way of hope anytime soon for the American car makers.  They can’t even beg smart.

Now the spin begins of course, as GM loudly trumpets that they are getting rid two of the seven(!) jets it had at the start of this year.  That will really resonate with the average homeowner, for sure.  I had to get rid of three of my very own jets just last month, as they were just too dirty to bother with cleaning ’em.

What a joke.

Some nutritional information today, as I snarf down some leftover cold pizza for lunch.  Apparently a new study shows the liquids we drink in a day could add up to another whole meal, if we aren’t being careful.  

“What you drink is basically the same [amount of calories] as what you eat for lunch.”

Some other revelations of the study include:  teenage boys drink more soft drinks than is exactly a good idea, teenage girls should drink milk more, adults drink too much alcohol and caffeine.  Not exactly a revelation, perhaps, but good to know.  

Then we move onto the coolest cooking utensil I have seen in a while, it’s a hands-free whisk.  As the reviewer on Boing Boing Gadgets pointed out, it’s basically right out of Harry Potter, which is just too cool.  Not sure how practical it is, since as the video shows it doesn’t really whisk, but rather sort of just rotate around very very lethargically.

Finally, we have something that the kids would probably love, and parents almost universally find revolting.  The SpreadHeads are an attachment you screw onto your ketchup and mustard bottle, and then it appears as though the mustard is vomited out of the little guy’s mouth, and the ketchup streams out of the other’s nose like a nosebleed.  

Brilliant.  It’s more than a little disturbing, for sure, but the company is missing out on the real marketing angle here.  Kids are drinking too much soda, right?  How much soda would you drink if you had to french kiss a little plastic man to drink it?  Or if you prefer, slurp it right out of a little gnome’s nostrils?  Yum!  The revulsion factor alone would surely curb even the strongest craving.

Then again, putting a gagging face on a beer bottle probably wouldn’t really stop me for long.  Besides most people make that face when I offer them a 50 anyway….

I should mention that the products mentioned here were seen by me on Boing Boing Gadgets.

It may be hard to believe, but it seems that yours truly was maybe a tad hasty to just parrot whatever I read to you, my dear readers.  It seems that I hung the journalistic integrity hat on the peg and forgot to put it back on that day, or this year rather.  I know how many of you rely on Vallentyne.com for your daily serving of fresh hot news, smothered in sarcasm, so it’s with heavy heart that I inform you that it seems that Sarah Palin (probably) does indeed realize that Africa is a continent.  

Before you hang me out to dry for betraying your trust, you should probably be aware that I was not the only one to be duped.  In fact it seems that other small news agencies bought the story….  MSNBC, LA Times, etc.

Too funny.  However, the main point of my post was about how she was a really terrible choice for VP, the extra stuff was just icing anyway.

So there you go, my bad.

You can now relax and rest assured that Vallentyne.com remains the one and only place to go for Vallentyne-flavoured news.

I really did wonder what the heck they were doing when they picked this one to run next to the old guy.  She turned their side from just another rich old guy running for president into a circus that made him seem foolish instead of just corrupt.  It looks like her own team is out to rake her over the coals now that the election is lost. 

The Knives come out for Sarah Palin

There’s some good stuff in there.  Apparently she wasn’t aware that Africa was a continent, for example.  She would have been a train wreck of epic proportions if she got into office, that much is clear.  It’s kind of scary how far she got, really.  

It makes me wonder what they will dig up about her next.  Perhaps her 15 minutes in the spotlight isn’t over yet, but probably for the wrong reasons.

Not that I would want to perpetuate any stereotypes, but it seems that this whole story started in a mobile home.  Here are the Cole’s notes.

She asked him where her teeth were, he said he didn’t know.  She didn’t believe him.

…

He body slams her onto the floor.  She grabs kitchen knife.  Chases him outside. He sneaks back inside.  She stabs the knife through the bathroom door, doing her best Jack Nicholson from The Shining, and insists that she will kill him if he doesn’t tell her where the teeth are.

…

Police arrive, arrest both of them, find teeth behind the TV stand, beside the remote they probably fought about yesterday.

They are both in jail now.

 

The End.