Category Archives: Stupidity

Here Comes the Gravy

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Man, it must be hard to be a Billy Bob.

In case you haven’t been following this, Billy Bob Thornton and his band the Boxmasters made an appearance on a CBC radio show (inexplicably also filmed and available on YouTube, below) recently.  Good old Billy Bob (can I call you Billy?  or maybe Jerk?) took offense when the radio host mentioned that he is an actor too.  Imagine that, he’s also an actor.  Anyway, what followed was the strangest interview I have ever seen, and it amounted to a hissy fit of epic proportions.  This man is off his rocker if he thinks his little band would be going anywhere if he wasn’t also globally known as an actor.  His star power is opening doors for his music career, and then he pitches a fit when someone mentions that he’s an actor?  It’s crazy.  And no, Billy, you are not Tom Petty, that much is clear.  Tom has been a legendary musician and recording for over 30 years, while you got bored with acting and started a vanity band a couple of years back.  Also, from all accounts, Tom is a nice person.

Good times, and despite his recent apology to all of Canada, it seems that Billy can’t take the heat and is packing up his crap and leaving town, with his tour unfinished.  Yep, that sure seems like what a professional musician would do.  Good job.

You can’t have it both ways buddy.

Here’s Billy Bob making a fool of himself for everyone to see.  It’s a credit to the host that he handled himself as coolly as he did to that pathetic display.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJWS6qyy7bw

Coasters, Shmoasters

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Having recently mustered the courage to ride the Behemoth at Canada’s Wonderland, I thought I was a tough guy.  Sure, I can handle it, two or three times, even.  I can swagger around and tell everyone how cool I am, cause I am.  Just. That. Cool.

That is until these pictures of bigger, nastier, scarier roller coasters made my stomach flip and do a very un-cool gurgle.  I mean, look at this one, it’s beyond scary.  That’s batshit insane.

jeeesus....

This one, called Kingda Ka is at Six Flags in New Jersey.  It’s 456 feet tall, and hits 128 mph, which makes your face actually flatter after riding it.  You need to wear a special mouth guard to keep your cheeks from flapping too much, it’s basically a soother since you will be crying like a baby afterward (probably).  Think about that, the Behemoth is only 230 feet tall and only does 77 mph….  man, that’s humbling.

So, I will now stop feeling like I’m all that, since there are much scarier coasters out there that I haven’t ridden…. or ever will hopefully.

Get bacon, eat bacon

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Won’t take credit for someone else’s fine work, but couldn’t resist snapping this one at lunch on Friday.  If you frequent a certain Ottawa pizza joint, you may have seen this one yourself.

There’s just no other way to interpret these instructions, written on some sort of bacon dispensing machine.  Thank heaven for bacon dispensing machines.

It is rather strange to use a cameraphone in a bathroom, and I felt strange doing it, for sure.

Enjoy.

Coffee Counter-Intuitive

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It’s true that I have been on and off the caffeine train in the last little while, but caffeine or not, I still enjoy coffee quite a bit.

Starbucks is my latest vice, and I love it dearly.  Yes, it’s stupid to pay over 2 bucks for a cup of coffee, but it’s just so darn good.  I’ve become a snob about it all it seems, since even a Tim Horton’s double double is a second rate cup now, barely worth crossing the street for.  I sincerely mean that, since there’s a Tim’s equally as close as the Starbucks at work, and I never go there.  The coffee is one thing, but I have come to appreciate the fact that you get to dress your own coffee to your taste at Starbucks.  Yes, I know you can dress your own at Tim Horton’s too, but at Starbucks you get real cream out of a thermos so it’s fresh, unlike the petro-creamers you get at Tim’s if you want to adjust it yourself. I’m here for a coffee break from work, not in the middle of a 12-hour road trip on the 401, snarfing down Cheetos, coffee and coke…

Secondly, the arbitrary amounts of cream and sugar you get at Tim’s have been enough to bother the crap out of me at times.  When you order a large coffee and get it “double double” you would expect it to taste the same all of the time.  When you order a small coffee and order it “double double” I mean that I want it to taste the same as the large, I don’t want to have to decide just how much smaller that cup is than the large, and then adjust my order accordingly.  I just want less coffee that tastes the same.  Which has long been my argument; “double double” is a flavour, not a recipe.  Much like “chocolate” or “vanilla” is a flavour “double double” is the way I like my coffee to taste, no matter the size of the vessel it is served in.

Despite my Tim Horton’s issues, Starbucks is not without it’s flaws.  I already mentioned the cost, but another problem I have is the puzzling decision to not brew decaf coffee in the afternoon.  Why?  Caffeine is certainly needed in the morning, if you are drinking coffee you would want it then for sure.  But once you are wired for sound and your eyelashes are quivering with each stray air current, you really don’t need any more caffeine, or at least I don’t.

So there you go, a coffee-flavoured rant about absolutely nothing important.  More’s the pity if you read even this far….  If you did, does anyone agree with me?  Any Tim Horton’s ordering strategies to share?

National Do Not Call List “Worked Until Today”, telephone survey finds

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A new survey finds that the National Do Not Call (DNCL) list was mostly effective at reducing the number of calls received by participants, at least until the survey was taken.

“Yep, we’ve had hardly any telemarketers call here since we signed up, until today when you jerks called.” was the most common response by participants, followed closely at number 2 by a terse “not interested”, incoherent screaming, and “can I have YOUR number so I can call YOU during YOUR dinner?  CAN I?” rounding out the top four responses.  The survey was not considered a success by the government panel responsible for the results, so they are considering the creation of a new national list for people to register in: the National Do Not Call Except For Us Cause That’s Ok (DNCLEFUCTOK).  Citizens who register in the new list will automatically receive a call from the government to confirm their registration, followed by periodic telephone number checks each and every month, sometime around the time when you finally sit down with your dinner and raise the first goddamn bite to your lips.

Time will tell how successful the new DNCLEFUCTOK will be.

Alphabetically Canadian

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This has nothing to do with anything, I just thought I would mention that I have been listening to my entire iTunes library again so I could re-rate everything and fix up some playlists from scratch.  This is necessary sometimes, but especially when you move from Windows to Mac since the library formats are completely different for some god-forsaken reason.  The only unusual thing about it all this time was I decided to listen to all 4200 songs (give or take, I try to get rid of all of the Jonas Brothers/Hilary Duff/bland unrecognizable hip hop artist of the week that ends up in there from Jordy, but it’s a constant battle…) in alphabetical order by song title.  This means you get a rather, um, varied musical experience from one song to the next.  One thing that came to light today is that Loverboy’s Take Me to The Top (hm, one star, thank you) was followed immediately by Bob and Doug McKenzie’s Take Off (that’s about 4 stars, folks, based entirely on Geddy Lee’s fine performance).  It made me wonder how many alphabetically consecutive Canadian songs have I missed to date from A-T?

I’m not (quite) anal enough to actually find out myself, but it’s your homework for the week to find out the longest run of consecutively Canadian songs you can find in your iTunes library.

That’s all class, dismissed.