Bad Dream Turns Into Bad Day

In what must be a rather bad joke by now, a woman was sleeping in the car while her husband drove her and their son along a highway in Alberta.  She apparently had a bad dream and screamed out loud, which startled her husband so badly he lost control of the vehicle and they ended up rolling the car several times and ending up in the ditch.  Nobody was badly hurt, but something tells me that the husband will have some decidedly different habits on their next road trip.  Namely:  not having those eight capuccinos before setting out on their drive.  Also, perhaps sitting down together and watching that 80’s horror movie marathon the night before might have been a bad idea.

Saw this on Metro.ca

Lockrey, we are all looking at you.

Self Portrait

This perfectly captures what I look like in most pictures.  Expecially ones taken of myself.

Who am I kidding?  My smile doesn’t ever look half as relaxed as this guy.  He’s a natural.  What a showoff.  He obviously got his teeth whitened recently.

Associated story:  Macaque steals photographer’s camera, figures out how to take killer pictures with a pro camera in three seconds flat, hams it up, becomes Internet celebrity, blah blah, seen it a hundred times.

This guy has definitely got the chops to really make it.  Man.

Tourists Get Fine, Count Blessings

It seems that rangers at the Banff National Park recently had to fine a group of German tourists for bothering some of the wildlife.  It seems that they were chasing and yelling at a grizzly bear and her cubs.  Let’s process that for a minute.  A grizzly bear.  And her cubs.  Grizzly bears (who have one of the best latin names ever: Ursus arctos horribilis), on average clock in around 500 pounds, standing 3 meters if (gulp) necessary.  They are usually considered by smart folks to be actually the nth degree of grumpy on Vallentyne’s Cuddly <-> Grumpy scale of wild animals, registering a solid 100, which is actually the highest value.

For contrast’s sake for those of you not familiar with Vallentyne’s Cuddly <-> Grumpy (VC-G) continuum of wild animals, we have “shaved disillusioned lynx” at VC-G 87, “over-caffeinated porcupine” at around VC-G 75, “irritated house cat” at VC-G 64, “rabid squirrel” somewhere around VC-G 28, and “tranquilized baby bunnies” being at the start of the cuddly end at VC-G 0.

What I’m trying to get across here is: grizzly bear moms with their cubs are essentially the most dangerous thing you can find in the bush in Canada.

It is amazing that the park warden was able to actually fine the tourists, instead of needing a squeegee to gather their remains.

30 Grand(mother)

Oh, if there’s one thing I love in this world, it’s people.  People are awesome.  They never cease to delight, disgust and amaze me.  For instance, this Florida grandmother, who decided that being a grandmother was a little too much work, and tried to sell her grandson.  Somebody talked, the police got involved, and they conducted a sting operation to catch her.  During the negotiation portion of the transaction, the undercover informant actually managed to haggle (HAGGLE!) the purchase price (OF A CHILD) down from $75000 to $30000.  Upon exchanging the money, the police swooped in and arrested the “grandmother”.

This story is noteworthy all by itself, but astute readers might wonder where the child’s mother (or father) might be during this activity.  It seems that the mother was already in jail (on charges of unrelated douchebaggery), and left her child in her mother’s care.  Dear old Granny.  The child is now in state custody, and hopefully will find a home somewhere that is a bit more stable REAL SOON NOW.

Cripes.

Yes these things do write themselves sometimes.

Scalzi – Things I Don’t Have to Think About Today

Taking things to a more serious level here (don’t worry, the regular goofiness will resume shortly no doubt), this post from John Scalzi is just about as touching and as powerful as it gets.  I STRONGLY encourage you all to go and read it, then read the comments, then add your own comment to his post, then tell your own circles about it.  The disclaimer I can offer here is: I promise that there is no guilt-hook at the end, but you will be thinking about it for a while.

Things I don’t have to think about today