Category Archives: News

Here’s a good one. A

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Here’s a good one. A guy gets buried in his car by an avalanche. He started to dig his way out of his car window but realizes that he will just end up filling the car full of snow. If only he had a way to melt the snow. Fortunately he had just been to the beer store. He “happened” to have 60 bottles of beer in the back seat. He also “happened” to really really like beer. So, he proceeds to (slowly) dig his way out of the pile by scooping snow from above, packing it down, and urinating on it to melt it. It took him four days. It probably would have only taken him 4 hours if he had just poured the beer directly on the snow, but he isn’t that stupid. Anyone who buys beer 60 at a time doesn’t seem the type to waste it.

Here’s the link:
Man urinates his way out of avalanche

There’s a 2000 ton pile

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There’s a 2000 ton pile of crap in Nebraska, and it’s decomposing. Three months ago it spontaneously combusted and it’s been burning ever since. Man, there’s so many frigging jokes here I’m paralyzed. Too many jokes. Too many jokes.

Here’s the link: Big old pile of burning crap

Read it and just picture it: 100 feet long, 30 feet high and 50 feet wide, it’s crap, and it’s on fire. They don’t want to put water on it because of the potential for poluting the local water supply. Um, guys? You think that crap doesn’t already wash into the water supply? Maybe they have it on a placemat or a doily or something.

It’s not that uncommon, apparently. Here’s a link to a more serious article about it on CNN. The pile of crap is on a feedlot that fattens cows up before the slaughterhouse. The statistics of this ranch are staggering:

an average of 12,000 animals on hand, each eating about 25 pounds of feed daily, resulting in as much as nine pounds of manure a day per animal — some 54 tons every 24 hours

Wow. That’s quite the BS factory. It must rival the government in production. And it’s majestic too, rolling hills of poop, steaming and smouldering in the morning sun. It brings a tear to my eye. That could just be the smoke though.

Those Texans have a problem.

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Those Texans have a problem. See, their highways are just too damn puny for all of their SUVs. There’s no breathing room on the interstates, 4 lanes just don’t cut it when your Hummer takes up two at a time. It’s hard to get those suckers up to 70 or 80 miles an hour where they really burn through the gas. So, fortunately someone came up with a solution. Build an even bigger highway. A really big highway. We’re talking big here people. The corridor would be a quarter mile ACROSS, with as many as ten lanes, railway tracks and oil and gas pipelines built right in so you can keep the hammer down on your Hummer and not worry about looking for a gas station. Yep, let’s make that bastard 4000 miles long so you can really see how the seats hold up over the long haul. The genius rationale behind this is as follows: The roads we have are too crowded. Dammit we need more roads, that’s the only solution.

It makes you want to donate some money to support the NASA space program and help these guys get off the planet, eh? Maybe they can find another one somewhere… build some more roads.