Onion-worthy news

Some things just write themselves. This Canoe article looks like it came right from the pages of The Onion. A Dunkin Donuts worker clocks a guy robbing the store with a coffee mug because he was worried he might look like a dork on Youtube if he didn’t.

“There are only a few videos like that on YouTube now, so mine’s going to be the best,” he said. “That’ll teach this guy.”

It’s interesting how this connected world of ever increasing surveillance is changing our behaviour, even in times of stress. I can’t honestly say I would be all that worried about Youtube myself. Maybe I’m just an old fart?

Santa Claus, Love Him or Hate Him

It’s been a rough year for Santa already, and he hasn’t even been to work yet.

First, he gets clocked in the face at a parade in Washington, lying unconscious for a block or two until his driver checked on him. Apparently somebody threw something hard at him and hit him in the face. A broken nose, two black eyes and a concussion that might just be cleared up by Christmas Eve if he takes it easy.

Then, just to add insult to injury, he is flying into a children’s party in Rio de Janeiro in a helicopter when somebody opened fire on him. Under a hail of bullets they returned to the airport safely, firmly marking a few names on the “Permanent Naughty” list.

Who can blame him for maybe cursing at a few kids in return?  I mean those ceaseless demands must get a bit old after a while, right?

Still it’s not all gloom for the jolly old fart. Some of us still like Santa. In fact there are some of you out there who rather like him far far too much. Like this woman who allegedly, ah, grabbed Santa by the Blitzens at a mall in Connecticut. She later denied the whole incident, but Santa knows if you’ve been bad or good. Time will tell what list this lady ended up on, I suppose.

Name that Whale

Oh lord, I must be sleep deprived, but this struck me as so funny, I had to resort to some very fancy peristaltic acrobatics to make sure I didn’t spray paint my monitor with coffee.

Greenpeace is having a Name a Whale contest.  They asked for names from the public.  They got 11 000 names, which were whittled down to 30, noble names from various languages, but one of which was Mr. Splashy Pants.  Guess which one currently has an overwhelming lead?

Results here, vote for Mr. Splashy Pants here.

 Saw this on Boing Boing.

The War on Everything

I really enjoyed reading this article on security and counter-terrorism on Wired today.  It’s a great piece on how everyone from the average citizen right on up to police officers and government officials are encouraged by the system to report anything suspicious, or different, or strange, no matter how ridiculous.

Here’s how it goes:

“Someone sees something, so he says something. The person he says it to — a policeman, a security guard, a flight attendant — now faces a choice: ignore or escalate. Even though he may believe that it’s a false alarm, it’s not in his best interests to dismiss the threat. If he’s wrong, it’ll cost him his career. But if he escalates, he’ll be praised for “doing his job” and the cost will be borne by others. So he escalates. And the person he escalates to also escalates, in a series of CYA (cover your ass) decisions. And before we’re done, innocent people have been arrested, airports have been evacuated, and hundreds of police hours have been wasted.”

It’s a sad truth of this time that this is the case.  People are scared of using their own heads for fear of the personal and professional consequences.  The big money quote from the article is:

“If you ask amateurs to act as front-line security personnel, you shouldn’t be surprised when you get amateur security.”

It’s a good read, I have mentioned the author, Bruce Schneier, before.  Another good article by him is here, about how the very goal of terrorism is to cause terror, not blow things up, so we should respond with less fear and more rational thought.  All good stuff, read it sometime.

Lockrey’s Day in Court

I saw this news article, and I stopped short.  I could have sworn, without reading it all the way through that it would be a story about Lockrey.  Maybe they changed the names to protect the insane?

I mean come on, can you blame me?

“A woman accused of stabbing her husband with a fork during an argument at a restaurant has pleaded no contest to reduced charges of being drunk and disorderly.”

With a FORK.  That’s got you written all over it, Lockrey.  Poor Robbie didn’t want to press charges, but that’s just cause you were doing the whole “drag your finger across your throat thing” from across the courtroom.