Sometimes the gods shine down brightly on mediocre blog writers such as myself. While things don’t come that easily most days, sometimes you get days like this:

First off, a would-be robber in Indiana managed to almost Darwin himself by somehow shooting himself in the fuzzy buddies while robbing a store. Maybe he was holding himself hostage in order to get the money.

Robber: Don’t make me shoot them man! I’ll blow them right off, I will. Give me the money.

Clerk: Uh, go ahead.

Robber: I mean it, I’ll do it.

Clerk: I’ll manage, go ahead.

Apparently he did go ahead. Anyway, the cops picked him up later and charged him with stupidity.

Then we go to Virginia, where a lawmaker introduced a ban on (I kid you not) displaying replica genitalia on vehicles. Yes, these kinds of things write themselves. Apparently in Virginia it’s all the rage for beer soaked rednecks to hang rubber testicles from their trucks’ trailer hitches. Forgetting the absolute silliness of that, even more shocking is the inability of God-fearing folk there to explain this phenomenon to their children.

He said the idea came from a constituent whose young daughter spotted an example of the trail hitch adornment and asked her father to explain it.

“’I didn’t know what to tell her,”’ Spruill said the constituent told him before Spruill vowed to stop such displays.

Didn’t know what to tell her? Just what exactly was the struggle there? Hm let’s see, do I tell her that boy trucks have testicles and lay on top of girl trucks to make eetle wee trucks? Or do I tell her that those are fake testicles that are supposed to represent the supposed virility of the brain dead driver? Or maybe I say that the driver is an overly macho redneck and therefore may be overcompensating for a puzzling lack of sexual attraction to the female sex? Hm. Nope, sounds like I should write my congressman. Yep, this is a job for the government.

So there you have it. Virginia is for lovers, just not lovers of rubber truck nuts (which incidentally is a great band name: Rubber Truck Nut Lover).

Yes, you have seen this movie before. 

When their friend died (apparently no foul play is suspected) his two compadres decided that his final gift to them would be to cash his social security cheque.  So, they dressed him as best they could, carried him outside, put him in a wheeled office chair and set off down the sidewalk.  Several problems then happened.  First off, the recently deceased do not sit very well.  Second, the chair had no arms, resulting in a significant amount of effort to keep said dead buddy in the chair.  Third, dead buddy’s feet were left to their own devices and bounced around on the uneven sidewalk rather conspicuously.  Fourth, a police officer happened to notice them while eating his breakfast and realized that there was indeed  a corpse in a chair rolling down the sidewalk.  Fifth and finally, apparently the entrance to the cheque cashing store is not cadaver-accessible and they were having “a lot of difficulty” in bringing in their dead friend to cash his cheque.  The pair ended up arrested of course, but the charges were not yet sorted out because there has very likely never been a precedent in the history of the world.

The mental pictures on this one are keeping me entertained as I write this. I saw it first on Metafilter.

A girl in Washington started feeling ill while working her shift at McDonalds and went to the bathroom, accompanied by her friend who was concerned. These two Einsteins had an exchange that went like this:

“I was like are you pregnant?” Herrera asked. “Because she was in the bathroom, and I’m like, are you pregnant? She says, I don’t think so. A couple minutes later, she says the baby is coming out, and that’s when I started freaking out.”

The mother’s friend delivered the baby with the assitance of a 911 operator.

There’s not much more to tell here, except that you can’t help but wonder what the heck that girl thought was happening when the baby was kicking her and moving around? Here’s hoping that kid grows up with a bit more sense than his mom.