Apparently the reason you never hear your doctor say “Oh crap, uh, I’m really sorry about that one.  Man, that was, really, ah, wow I didn’t see that coming.  Jeez, that must have really really hurt.  Man, my bad.  It should probably grow back, I think.”  is because they have been told to never apologize because it can be used against them in a lawsuit.  Thankfully there will soon be a law in Ontario that lets them at least say sorry (for God’s sake, is it so hard?) without any fear of additional litigation.  Now, shake on it, and let’s all agree to never again talk about why that instrument was never designed to go into that place in the body, and no that’s not what medical school taught you, and yes anybody would be rather upset about it all, wouldn’t you?

This is not the first time that we have discussed why doctors might want to apologize, or other high-profile apologies, or the art of apologuising, which this law probably can’t prevent.

A Portland, Oregon man was told his abdominal pain was because he was pregnant when he went to the hospital.  The 71 year old lumberjack and mechanic was overjoyed at the news and immediately rushed off to register for the shower gifts at Sears.

In other news, alarmed by her rapid weight gain, and swelling belly, an unnamed Oregon woman has started exercising more and more.  Feeling nauseous every morning is just part of the “breaking in” period and will pass once she hits her stride at the gym.  Similarly, the movement she feels inside her abdomen is just gas from eating better and she has started taking larger and larger doses of antacids to counter those side effects.

“Eight or 9 more months of this, and I will be in wicked shape for the beach.” the perspiring woman was quoted as saying, having a post workout snack of a pickle, Pringle and salami sandwich.  “Just gotta get the appetite under control, is all.  You got any ice cream?”

Thanks for the tip on that interesting human interest article, Rod.

Having recently spent some time driving for more than I am used to, I can (almost) symapthize with the following two dunderheads.

A trucker decided that driving was way too boring, and he decided to pull out his laptop, put it on the dashboard, and cue up an episode of Battlestar Galactica while driving.  The cop who pulled him over saw that the episode was still playing on the dash.  His defense?  He was just listening to the audio while consulting Google Maps, which is clearly an operation that anyone could do while driving.

Then, even better, we have the bus driver who was caught (on video no less) playing videogames while driving his bus around town and on the highway.  This guy is the dumbest of the dumb since he was playing in full view of his passengers, and so will no doubt be fired faster than you can say game over.  Hell of a way to waste an 18-year career with a spotless record….  Hope he beat the level though.

 

On my recent roadtrip, I handed the iPhone to an able passenger to do any Googling or map location finding.  Methinks the I-81 is not exactly the place for a quick game of anything….

First off, from Germany we have the story of a dentist who decided he was done waiting for payment from a woman, and forced his way into her house, tied her up and forcibly removed the dental bridges he had put in.  Just chew on that one for a bit.  Apparently he was chomping at the bit to get his money.  The woman was a tad shaken by her brush with the man.  I’m done.

Then it’s off to Iowa where someone in the college editor’s office will most certainly be taking some heat for this gaffe:

A calendar entry for Feb. 16, 2009, was supposed to read “Black History Lunch and Learn.” Instead, it says “Black History Linch and Learn.”

Apparently after giving away 10000 copies of this handbook, the best resolution is to print up a sticker to cover up the offending word.  Um, ya.

Moving on, good news for old folks.  A company in Japan has announced a wearable device that amounts to a personal airbag.  It inflates in .1 seconds when it detects the individual falling backwards and is supposed to prevent injury.  It’s apparently targeted at elderly eplieptic patients, who probably fall down a lot.  Two things come to mind though:  it only protects you if you fall backwards, and from the video it looks like you probably can’t get back up one you are flat on your back with that thing underneath you.  A much more practical solution would be to completely encase our elderly relatives in an inflatable sumo suit so that they can be completely protected from any injury.  Of course they can then also then be part of fun backyard games:  “Don’t let Grandma touch the ground!”, or a humane version of the old chestnut: “Let’s kick the old folks!”.

“Dad, can we take Grandma to the park?”

“Sure Bobby.”

“Awesome, let’s roll her down the big hill!”

(chuckling) “Of course, you scamp!  Now go on, don’t leave grandma waiting.”

“Oh, sure Dad!  Um, can you get her down off the roof of the garage?”

“Sure thing Bobby!  Get me my poking stick…”

There’s absolutely no downside to this that I can see.