Category Archives: News

More driving bans

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Yesterday we saw that some countries are concerned about it’s citizens driving around and being “unhealthy” (Actually it seems we managed to shame them into calling the whole thing off.  Power to the people!), it seems that Ontario is about to reach it’s filthy invasive laws right into your car.  Again, that is.  Not only will you not be able to suck down sweet sweet nicotine-infused smoke and share with your kids, you can’t be doing that while yakking on the phone.  Gods, what kind of police state do we live in?  What’s next, banning playing video games while driving?  Oh wait, that’s already covered by the law.  Will it never end?  The oppression is more than I can take, it’s like someone is choking me every waking minute….

Ok.  Actually this really isn’t that bad.  The smoking thing is something I can completely get behind, there’s no reason to kill your kids while you are killing yourself.  The cell phone thing is also probably a good idea, since fumbling with a phone is not the best idea while screaming up the ramp at 130KM/h onto the Queensway on two wheels, while eating a donut.  It’s not recommended, you get sticky sugary icing all over your phone.  You really need to be on your game to drive as dangerously as I do.  That 2G, three lane change (without signaling, natch) is tricky enough without texting about it at the same time.  There’s plenty of time to be texting to your buddies while you wait for the ambulance and the jaws of life, because as we all know, ambulance response times sure aren’t getting any shorter.

So, maybe I over-reacted slightly, perhaps.  It’s going to be just fine.  Really.

Because there’s no room for tattoos…

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A new law in Vietnam prohibits anyone with a chest measurement smaller than 28 inches from riding a motorcycle.  Also if you are too short, or too thin you had better find another ride, son.

This new push is a result of the government there trying to make sure that all of their drivers are in good health.

So, if you are fat, you are good to go on a bike.  Nothing says healthy like a really overweight person on a motorcycle.  Yep, it was those short thin people that were making the country look bad.  Better get them off the streets.

Fortunately, I’m not the only one who thinks this is dumb:

Vietnamese bloggers have been poking fun at the plan, envisioning traffic police with tape measures eagerly pulling over female drivers to measure their chests.

“From now on, padded bras will be best-sellers,” said Bo Cu Hung, a popular Ho Chi Minh City blogger.

Even better, there really seems to be no actual problem here:

The average Vietnamese man is 5 feet, 4 inches tall and weighs 121 pounds. The average Vietnamese woman is 5 feet, 1 inch tall and weighs 103 pounds.

Statistics on average chest size were unavailable.

Gold.

Upside Down Dogs

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Cute pictures of animals on the Internet is more or less what the Internet was made for (well probably not, but almost).  It’s sad that we use the most wonderful communication and social media device since, um ever, to send each other pictures of animals instead of working or doing whatever we were supposed to be doing.  

Anyway, my point is you will never get rid of frivolous uses of the Internet, no matter what you do, so you may as well just start blogs dedicated to cute pictures of animals, that way all cuteness is concentrated into one intensely furry, schmoopy place.

Sigh, cats.

Equal opportunity cuteness

Just Otters, for some reason

My clear favourite:

Upside Down Dogs

 

Yes Whitney, that is his best side.

We do also have an entry, but I don’t have his picture here, this one will have to do.

That is all.

Financial Crisis

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Well, if you had any money before, you definitely don’t now.  If you didn’t have any money before, you haven’t lost anything yet, so you are probably generally happier than those who have lost lots.  So, having lots of money wouldn’t have been a winning strategy for being happy these past weeks.  So, if by next month we can safely call this winter a “global great depression” kind of winter then we can officially start living the boring story we will tell our grandkids in about 20 years.  Providing we don’t get killed in a gasoline riot, or die of starvation for some reason.  But that’s just part of the great story we will tell one day, and the more “boiled Tevas for dinner” and “burning old PCs for heat” spice you can add to the story, the less likely your grandkids will get bored and just start surfing the net with their wearable computers and contact lens displays (a la Rainbow’s End).

To that end, I found an excellent post on Neatorama that details past financial crashes (all American it seems) but it’s important to remember that crashes and economic crappiness is usually followed up with a period of wealth and prosperity.  

So, while we now live the story we will tell with stick-shaking, spittle-flecked intensity to our progeny in the future, we can at least be fairly certain that there will be a period of time we will conveniently forget to tell the grandkids, the part after the “Big Downer” when we started making manhole covers out of elephant ivory, and snorting sweet Arabian crude oil through hollowed-out narwhal tusks.  Oh wait, that was the 80’s.  Crap.

Better bury your nickels in the backyard, son.

(Editor’s note:  Had caffeine today, fortunately it doesn’t show in my writing.)

Ok, anybody with a bigger gun than mine, raise your hand? Both of them…

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Sometimes you can see the future, and you wonder why nobody else can.  Or maybe lots of other people can in fact see the future, but don’t say anything about it.  In this case, it’s kind of scary, but mostly dumb.

A certain Texan school district has “wisely” decided that they will start the new term allowing teachers to carry concealed firearms in the classroom.  The reasoning is that teachers are the best line of defence for students in case there are any gun attacks on campus.  The money quote here is this one from the disctrict superintendent:

“When the federal government started making schools gun-free zones, that’s when all of these shootings started…”

Um, ya.  If anybody here is in touch with reality, raise your hand?  More guns in the classroom is definitely the answer to this rash of shootings in schools.  In fact, it’s basically an arms race between the teachers and students, and by gum if the teachers don’t win it, what will you have?  Anarchy I say!  Just in time for the new school year: Staedtler Automatic Assault Rifles, now in three cool colours!  

What the living heck is going on in Texas?  I will make a small prediction here, if I may (and it’s my blog, so I may):  In the next 10 years, there will be a(n even more) complete dissolution of trust between teachers and the students, to the point where there will not be teachers actually in the classrooms with the students, but will instead be teaching via a monitor, screen, or maybe just behind a scratched, scarred bulletproof glass, dotted with spitballs.  Or maybe we will develop “teaching suits” for the teachers to wear, like armoured Robocops stomping around between the desks, gunfire ricocheting off their armored heads every time they turn their back.  “Timmy, I know the sound of a Glock when I hear it, I know that was you.  If you shoot me in the head one more time, I’m going to, um, ask you to stop shooting me again.”

Ok, look you can’t teach when kids bring guns to class, that’s for sure.  The problem isn’t going to be solved by the teachers packing heat, either.  You have to address this kind of rampant pro-gun mentality over time, public relations campaigns, laws, and for pete’s sake make it harder to buy a gun than just getting it tossed into your shopping bag as a bonus.  You have to find a way to remove guns from the everyday urban landscape before this issue will fix itself.

Am I crazy here?

Thanks to Wilson for setting me off on this one.