Category Archives: News

Prison Blues

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A prison inmate somehow contracted a flesh eating bacteria…

“…that required doctors to remove several pounds of flesh from his pelvic region.  Surgeons made a replacement penis with skin from his thigh.”

Oh, well then.  A replacement penis.  With spare penis skin that was on his leg.  We all have that, of course.  Sure, that’s exactly the same as it was before, no doubt.  He sued the state and got a settlement which could never be enough, I would imagine.  Still I suppose he could be dead. 

This poor bugger (unfortunate choice of words, perhaps) will never get a leg up in life, that much seems certain.

The take-away mental note from this story:  be good, because prison is very very very bad.

Saw this on Boing Boing.

Presidential Webcast

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Remember how I worried that in order to lead today you should really be able to embrace technology?  I also worried that the old guy was actually a clue-less dinosaur?  Anyway, it seems that my worry was needless, since McCain really should have given that old Internet thing a closer look.

There is a lot of proof that Obama’s use of the Internet has not only been a crucial piece of his victory, but has forever changed American politics.  Didn’t hurt that he recruited one of the co-founders of Facebook to help, I suppose.

It’s going to be fun and awesome and probably very rocky for a while until everybody figures this stuff out.

“There will be a lot of collateral damage coming to grips with the fact that we’re in a reality TV series, ‘Politics 24/7,’” Mr. Newsom said.

That’s a good thing, Mr. Trippi said. “This medium demands authenticity, and television for the most part demanded fake. Authenticity is something politicians haven’t been used to.”

Even something as simple as a weekly radio address is (somehow just now) being taped for YouTube and Internet consumption.  Brilliant.  If he can really pull off this kind of connectedness and grass-roots organization it just might be the start of something better than I expected.

Now we just need to get Stephen Harper to wake up and smell the coffee.

Duped? Who, Me?

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It may be hard to believe, but it seems that yours truly was maybe a tad hasty to just parrot whatever I read to you, my dear readers.  It seems that I hung the journalistic integrity hat on the peg and forgot to put it back on that day, or this year rather.  I know how many of you rely on Vallentyne.com for your daily serving of fresh hot news, smothered in sarcasm, so it’s with heavy heart that I inform you that it seems that Sarah Palin (probably) does indeed realize that Africa is a continent.  

Before you hang me out to dry for betraying your trust, you should probably be aware that I was not the only one to be duped.  In fact it seems that other small news agencies bought the story….  MSNBC, LA Times, etc.

Too funny.  However, the main point of my post was about how she was a really terrible choice for VP, the extra stuff was just icing anyway.

So there you go, my bad.

You can now relax and rest assured that Vallentyne.com remains the one and only place to go for Vallentyne-flavoured news.

Palin behaved like a hillbilly? You’re kidding!

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I really did wonder what the heck they were doing when they picked this one to run next to the old guy.  She turned their side from just another rich old guy running for president into a circus that made him seem foolish instead of just corrupt.  It looks like her own team is out to rake her over the coals now that the election is lost. 

The Knives come out for Sarah Palin

There’s some good stuff in there.  Apparently she wasn’t aware that Africa was a continent, for example.  She would have been a train wreck of epic proportions if she got into office, that much is clear.  It’s kind of scary how far she got, really.  

It makes me wonder what they will dig up about her next.  Perhaps her 15 minutes in the spotlight isn’t over yet, but probably for the wrong reasons.

Missing Teeth? Assault and Battery

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Not that I would want to perpetuate any stereotypes, but it seems that this whole story started in a mobile home.  Here are the Cole’s notes.

She asked him where her teeth were, he said he didn’t know.  She didn’t believe him.

…

He body slams her onto the floor.  She grabs kitchen knife.  Chases him outside. He sneaks back inside.  She stabs the knife through the bathroom door, doing her best Jack Nicholson from The Shining, and insists that she will kill him if he doesn’t tell her where the teeth are.

…

Police arrive, arrest both of them, find teeth behind the TV stand, beside the remote they probably fought about yesterday.

They are both in jail now.

 

The End.