For a definite time-sink try this site out. Users submit their own limericks and others can vote on them. It’s like a social network for dirty limericks. Actually there are lots there that aren’t dirty, but nerdy and wordy (it’s hard not to be a little warped after reading 30 or 40 limericks in a row). The list of the top 150 are the clear winners for sure. I definitely had a hard time finding some that were clean enough to post here, but most are very funny. Ok, so a few of these technically come very very very close to breaking the blog’s G rating. Forgive me, they were too good not to share.
Some (relatively) clean favourites from my first scan:
There once was a pirate from Yates,
Who could dance the Fandango on Skates.
He fell on his cutlass,
Which rendered him nut-less,
And perfectly useless on dates.
In the Garden of Eden lay Adam
complacently stroking his madam
and great was his mirth
for on all of the earth
there were only two balls, and he had ’em
If you catch a Chinchilla in Chile
And cut off its beard, willy-nilly
You can honestly say
That you have just made
A Chilean Chinchilla’s chin chilly
The limerick’s structure somewhat
necessitates *eloquent* smut.
If you haven’t the time
to learn meter and rhyme,
then don’t write them, you ignorant slut.
There once was a vampire named Mable,
whose periods were really quite stable.
And every full moon,
she’d get out a spoon
and drink herself under the table.
A girl who was no good at tennis
but at swimming was really a menace
took pains to explain
“It depends how you train.
I was once a streetwalker in Venice.”
A mellifluous spinster named Doris
had a magical singing clitoris
it would hum with the verse
when allowed to rehearse
but become extra loud at the chorus
A preoccupied vegan named Hugh
picked up the wrong sandwich to chew.
He took a big bite
before spitting, in fright,
“OMG, WTF, BBQ!”
When antennas make marriage selections,
To those whom they hold with affection,
The ceremonies,
Are boring to see,
But you wouldn’t believe the receptions.
Nice!
