The Laundry Song

Nikki wrote this a few weeks ago, and she won’t post it.  I think it’s awesome myself, so I’m gonna steal it and post it.  All due credit goes to her.

The Laundry Song (to the tune of Fire and Rain by James Taylor)

Just yesterday morning I put another load on
seems like I get it done, and then there’s just more to do.
I walked out this morning to the line I put clothes on

Wouldn’t ya know,…their soaked with dew

Ooooh in my dryer I’ve seen change
I’ve had days of doing laundry that I thought would never end
I’ve seen socks that could not find a friend
But I always thought that I’d find the match again

Won’t you look at this stain, Jesus!
This shirt is covered in jam.
I’ve got just enough Tide for one more day
My body’s aching and so are my hands
I’ve drank two bottles of wine today.

Ooooh in my dryer I’ve seen change
I’ve had days of doing laundry that I thought would never end
I’ve seen socks that could not find a friend
But I always thought that I’d the match again

Been pinning my gitch to this line, back turned towards the sun
Lord knows when the cold wind blows it will spin your gitch around
Well, there’s hours of time on the friggin’ clothes line to pin things dusk to dawn
after winds have blown and flying PJ’s in pieces on the ground

Ooooh in my dryer I’ve seen change
I’ve had days of doing laundry that I thought would never end
I’ve seen socks that could not find a friend
But I always thought that I’d the match again

That’s just too good.

Delicious Silica Gel, not just for breakfast anymore

silicagelGiven that I am a geek, the procurement of geekly devices is the very reason I go to work. Oh, and to provide food and shelter for my family, that too. Anyway, I can happily say that I have been lucky enough to open lots of geek stuff over the years and I have to share something that I have been thinking about for a while now.

The makers of geekly devices ALWAYS pack said devices with at least one or two of these packets of silica gel, somewhere in the box. Silica gel absorbs water. The idea, as I understand it, is to absorb any transient moisture in the box that might damage the precious innards of the object of geekly desire. Anyway, whatever the reason for the gel, the manufacturer prints “do not eat” on each and every packet of this stuff, as if we are simple sheep eating our way into the box, grazing first upon the styrofoam (cut to cradle whatever device is in there), then the plastic bag (inevitably taped and twisted so as to make removal basically impossible), moving on to… what’s this? A small packet of crumbly goodness. You would have to be a complete moron to eat this stuff, even if it does resemble a sugar packet. But wait….

I have opened literally hundreds of boxes of gadgets over the years, each time NOT eating that silical gel, each time noting that the packet says “do not eat”. It’s almost tempting me. Maybe I’m a chump for throwing away thousands of packets of fine tasty silica gel. I wonder what it tastes like? It must be damn tasty to have to remind us each time to NOT eat it, like telling a houseful of kids “Don’t eat these wonderful warm cookies fresh from the oven that I am going to leave on the counter.”

Oh silica gel, why dost thou tempt me so? Sure, you are dusted with a toxic, carcinogenic powder, but so are Sour Patch Kids, and we eat those by the millions. Yes, you are a desiccant, but again, so are Sour Patch Kids….

Sigh.

Social Capital

Over the next few days I will be helping friends and family with various moves, construction projects, and the like.  It’s stuff that happens every year in the Canadian spring after a long winter spent groggily shoveling snow in the dark.  Just like the grass and trees, Canadians wake up and start moving around a bit more when the snow finally goes.  Um, the trees and grass don’t actually move around, unless you have spent your winter consuming pharmaceutically interesting things.

Anyway, it seems that these tasks that are too big to do alone mean that we usually end up spending some social capital and asking for help.  You don’t ask just anyone, you ask those who you have helped in the past, usually.  It’s the most basic form of economics, bartering and probably dates back to when we helpfully clubbed the sabre toothed tiger from a hunting buddy’s face.  We help people out because we know there will no doubt come a time when we just might need some help ourselves, and by depositing something into the social bank, we can reasonably expect to make a withdrawal sometime in the future.

No matter how saintly and helpful and available you are however, social credit does have a limit.  Much like your real bank if you try to withdraw too much or too often (without making a deposit) you may find yourself with a body to move, and nobody there to help you, and that’s not good….

I realize that at least some of the people I am going to be helping may actually read this before I can actually assist them in their endeavours, so realize that this is not a snarky comment on the state of anyone’s social capital.  I just started thinking about how that kind of stuff works, and realized it’s almost exactly like money, but it’s easier to make.

Neat.

Here Comes the Gravy

Man, it must be hard to be a Billy Bob.

In case you haven’t been following this, Billy Bob Thornton and his band the Boxmasters made an appearance on a CBC radio show (inexplicably also filmed and available on YouTube, below) recently.  Good old Billy Bob (can I call you Billy?  or maybe Jerk?) took offense when the radio host mentioned that he is an actor too.  Imagine that, he’s also an actor.  Anyway, what followed was the strangest interview I have ever seen, and it amounted to a hissy fit of epic proportions.  This man is off his rocker if he thinks his little band would be going anywhere if he wasn’t also globally known as an actor.  His star power is opening doors for his music career, and then he pitches a fit when someone mentions that he’s an actor?  It’s crazy.  And no, Billy, you are not Tom Petty, that much is clear.  Tom has been a legendary musician and recording for over 30 years, while you got bored with acting and started a vanity band a couple of years back.  Also, from all accounts, Tom is a nice person.

Good times, and despite his recent apology to all of Canada, it seems that Billy can’t take the heat and is packing up his crap and leaving town, with his tour unfinished.  Yep, that sure seems like what a professional musician would do.  Good job.

You can’t have it both ways buddy.

Here’s Billy Bob making a fool of himself for everyone to see.  It’s a credit to the host that he handled himself as coolly as he did to that pathetic display.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJWS6qyy7bw

Whither Peter Fredette?

As any Canadian of a certain age can tell you, Kim Mitchell was a key component of adolescence.  For a couple of key formative summers Kim provided the soundtrack for many many fun memories.  The paradox of having “Go For Soda” on the same album as “Lager and Ale” was mused over many times, usually while drinking one of those three beverages.  I will leave it to you to decide which one.

Anyway, it wasn’t until 1995 that I think we all realized what a critical component Peter Fredette was to Kim’s sound.  That’s when Kim released a greatest hits collection that featured a couple of new versions of his classic songs without Peter involved, and to my ears anyway, they just don’t work as well.

The only reason I’m writing this right now is this stuff just came on the iPod and for some reason I don’t have the original recordings, just the re-worked stuff.  I thought a public service announcement was in order, you know just in case you were in the market to buy a 14 year old CD and needed some advice.  In my opinion, stay away from this disc and buy the original discs, you will be happier in the long run.  Note that the market for potential buyers of this CD who are also readers of this blog is probably very very small.

This irrelevant review was brought to you by the letter “S”, Sony Betamax, and MS-DOS.

Get Bacon, Eat Bacon, Take a Bacon Shower

You know how when you started to learn to play guitar, suddenly you noticed the guitars in every song a lot more?  Well, this is kind of like that, except sadder and weirder and definitely not nearly as cool.  Since I posted the Get Bacon, Eat Bacon thing, I kind of notice these signs a lot more now.  Today I was washing my hands at Burger King of all places, and this one just jumped right out at me.

I have never felt the need to take a bacon shower, but I suppose it might be another way to enjoy it, if you were really really into that sort of thing.  This is the Internet, after all.

Get Bacon, Eat Bacon, Take a Bacon Shower

Get Bacon, Eat Bacon, Take a Bacon Shower

Please enjoy your bacon responsibly…..