Category Archives: Apocalypse Soon

Been on the job too long

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There has been nothing much to read here recently.  I have been way too busy to have any time for creative pursuits, unfortunately.  Just ask Nikki how much time I have been at home lately.  I think I have billed something like the equivalent of 36 days out of the last 39, or something like that.  Anyway, needless to say the strain is showing on Nikki and I, but especially Nikki who has been alone with the children all of that time.  She tried to take herself out with a coffee can the other day, ask her about her sucking thumb wound.  So I am looking forward to things like actually coming home for dinner, and seeing children awake.  That’s a good thing.

So, as a result I have nothing pithy to give you here today.  Except this: the ugliest animal on the planet is also (shocker) endangered partly because people go out of their way to kill them….   I must say, that is one freaky little monkey.

Recycling garbage into energy

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I saw a very cool article the other day about how a process exists to basically vaporize garbage into atoms, with the byproducts a molten-glass slurry and a gas that be used to produce hydrogen. In other words, it’s one of those things that sounds too good to be true. Anyway, if it does turn out that it’s reasonable it would change the world.  Landfills would produce energy and cities wouldn’t have garbage problems anymore.  It’s definitely a great dream, if it works.  Check it out.

Wilson and Angie should be happy with it, anyway.

Preserved Frog in Amber

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Here’s a neat article. Somebody found a frog perfectly preserved in amber that is probably 25 million years old. Anyway, the scientists want to drill this thing and get a sample of the frog’s DNA. Which would of course allow him to clone it and re-create a long-lost species of killer frogs that would soon end all human life as we know it. Think Jurassic Park and you’ve got it exactly. Or maybe they would just hop around a lot, and eat mosquitoes. Could be, you never know with these things.

Anyway, I saw the article and immediately thought of that Bugs Bunny segment where the construction worker finds a frog in the concrete of the building he is demolishing. It sings show tunes perfectly, but it only sings for him and eventually ruins him. Some things we just aren’t meant to find….. this frog is probably one of those.

I, for one, welcome our new dolphin overlords

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When I saw this news article about researchers finding a dolphin with “legs” I immediately remembered reading an article in the Onion that rings so incredibly true it’s amazing.  The Onion’s take is hilarious and worth a read, it had me crying the first time I read it:

“I believe I speak for the entire human race when I say, ‘Holy f@$*,'” said Oceanographic Institute director Dr. James Aoki, noting that the dolphin has a cranial capacity 40 percent greater than that of humans. “That’s it for us monkeys.”

Indeed.  It’s funny as hell, but it’s also very cool that they have such a direct link to dolphins having once had limbs (the actual article, not The Onion spoof).

News Stupidithon

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Here’s a recent outbreak of stupid news for your reading pleasure:

An obscenely rich casino owner was trying to sell a Picasso worth $139 million when he accidentally put his elbow through it while talking up it’s merits to the prospective buyer. The article says he has problems with his peripheral vision and a tendency to gesture with his hands. One thing this experience will teach him is that it’s a good thing he went mostly into casinos and not Ming vases. Better him than me, that much is sure. – Dumb Rich guy ruins priceless Picasso

Stingrays continue their relentless war on humans by attacking an 80 year old man. A stingray jumped into this guy’s boat and stung him in the chest, a la Steve Irwin. When will the madness end? – If this doesn’t mean we should kill all of the stingrays, I don’t know what.

The Kazakhstan Central Bank released some new bills recently, with only one small problem. They mis-spelled the word “bank” on them. It’s a little hard to take seriously, isn’t it? You just can’t make this stuff up. – Queer as a $3 “bonk” note.

And finally, an Austrian roofer with the shakes (oh, jeez that one kills me) managed to attach himself to the roof of the building he was on with a 4 inch roofing nail delivered by the nailgun he was carrying. It turns out he was then unable to free himself and had to call for help using his cell phone. I’m not that surprised he wasn’t able to free himself because the kicker is, he somehow managed to shoot the nail through his left nut. Let me clarify that again:  The man was attached to the roof by a four inch nail through HIS LEFT TESTICLE and the news story has the balls (obligatory) to say he was “unable to extract it or pull himself away from the roof”. Are you frigging kidding me? I’m sure he was relieved that anyone could even understand him on the phone, I would probably be doing the “scream until my lungs have no air and I pass out” bit. I don’t even want to visualize the extraction of the nail from the roof…. squick. – Too many puns to be made, just think of one for yourself.

That’s all for today, but don’t you think that’s enough?

If Humans Vanished Tomorrow….

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More article regurgitation today, a bit on how long the traces of our incredibly advanced civilization would last if we all disappeared tomorrow.  The short answer: not too long.  For the long answer click the link, or for the medium answer, a graphic that displays exactly the same information as the article.  Interesting stuff.  Basically we would not even be a blip on the radar after about 50 000 years.  With the exception of course of Harvey’s pee-burned grass art installation on my lawn.  There’s no way that 50 000 years of wild natural reclamation is going to eradicate those things.  They are permanent in a way that makes the pyramids look flimsy.