Author Archives: Court

About Court

This is Courtney Vallentyne's blog.

Get the F$*k Off the Plane

Posted on by

Sometimes the Internet really provides, you know?  No sooner than I wrote about the children’s author who is just killing it with his book:  Go The F%*k to Sleep (the movie rights have already been optioned, btw) than we get this little story of a children’s author who kinda drops an F-bomb or two during an airplane delay (and who hasn’t thought something like that themselves?), not even really directed at anyone, and manages to get his book-writing butt kicked off the plane.  Fortunately the plane had not yet taken off.

The article mentions the author’s statement:

“The ironic part is I’m putting a children’s book out in August so this wasn’t the kind of press I was looking for,” he added, saying there are no obscenities in the book.

I believe Sam Jackson would say something like “Well maybe you should PUT some damn swear words in your book, look what it did for the other guy.”

It seems that this blog is starting to weave quite the tapestry of profanity.  Kids will do that to you.

Go The F#$k To Sleep

Posted on by

As any parent can tell you, sometimes kids don’t exactly have the same ideas as you when it comes to sleep.  Whatever the reason for it is, and however legitimate, sometimes you just want the kids to be sleeping for your own sanity.

When I first saw this I thought it was a spoof, but it turns out to be a real book that you can actually buy.  Or better yet, you can for a limited time get the audiobook as performed by Samuel Jackson for free on Audible.com (well worth the sign-up).  To say that Samuel does a good job reading this book is an enormous understatement.  I listened to it this afternoon while at a client site (it IS only 5 minutes long, so my conscience is clear), and I had a REALLY hard time keeping quiet.  This f$%king book is hilarious, and is actually quite well written.  Samuel’s reading was perfect, and his introduction pretty much makes the rest of the book sound like he wrote the thing.

“All the kids from daycare are in dreamland. The froggie has made his last leap. Hell no you can’t go to the bathroom, you know where you can go? The fuck to sleep.”

I can’t recommend this more.  It’s absolutely priceless.  Also, it seems that this book went to #1 on Amazon on pre-sales orders based on the wide scale piracy of the PDF months before it became available.  I hope the author makes some money from this one, he deserves it.

Saw it on Boing Boing.  Thank you Boing Boing.

All The Action You Require In a Movie

Posted on by

To say that this clip has some action in it might be an understatement.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yysbbPStfWw&feature=player_embedded

It makes the Matrix look like a documentary about a chess game.  What the heck is going on in this movie?  It’s ridiculous, campy, awesome, original and silly at the same time.  It makes me want to see the whole movie, but I have a sneaky suspicion we all just saw the best parts.  It perfectly tweaks all of my moronic male action movie triggers.

I will make a prediction that Nikki will not watch the whole clip to the end.  I would imagine most guys will watch to the end, because we are wired to like stupid crap like this.  Every once I a while the stupid rises up in me and I am biologically compelled to watch a movie like this.  I will declare this fact, and Nikki pretends to watch it with me in a show of solidarity, but in reality will be asleep before the first 10 guys are killed.  She’s a lightweight when it comes to mindless violence, although she does have a soft spot for superhero movies.  I wonder if it has anything to do with the rippling muscles and spandex?  Huh.

Damn you Hugh Jackman.  Damn you and my simple-minded addiction to slow motion explosions.

Whistling at girls

Posted on by

As I was running on the weekend, trying to get ready to run my first actual honest to goodness race (more on that later), I overtook a pair of older ladies on the path who were doing this Nordic Walking thing (which I haven’t quite figured out just yet).  They were passed by a couple of bikes just ahead of me, who lawfully rang their bells to warn the ladies before they were overtaken.  As I passed the girls however I startled one of them as I jogged past.  She remarked that I didn’t have a bell, and I said no I don’t and apologized for startling her.  As I kept jogging I mentioned that I could always whistle, but then again that would be rude.  Her response?

“No. That would be nice!”

I laughed for the next 3km.  I still think that whistling at ladies wielding sticks is probably not a good plan.  Nikki concurs.

On the Nordic Walking front, if you haven’t heard of this yet you clearly haven’t been outside anywhere in the last three years.  To the untrained eye, let me describe it for you:  It’s basically walking.  Holding ski poles.  That’s it as far as I can see.  There must be more to it however, since you can become a certified Nordic Walker, which must involve more than just walking around holding things.  If that were a sound path to physical fitness my own sport of Bavarian Lurching would be much more popular.  It involves attending summer outdoor concerts with a plastic cup of beer in each hand.  You have to slosh the beer onto everyone else’s shoes without getting a drop of it on your own.  Very tricky. 

The actual, real sport of Nordic Walking seems to be incredibly popular though, so I will now stop making fun of it.  It only makes sense since the people I make fun of probably already own two things with which to beat me and/or skewer me.  And they might be in good shape.   That’s just too dangerous.