Author Archives: Court

About Court

This is Courtney Vallentyne's blog.

Hey, cool! Also, JESUS CRIPES what the hell is that thing?

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One thing that has always bothered me when scientists discover a truly badass scary new thing living on this world and they say, it’s habitat is now limited to a small area of so-and-so place, how can we be sure that this frigging nightmare terror is on the decline, and not just finished CONQUERING it’s little corner of Out-of-the-way-Land, and is thinking of expanding it’s empire?  It would kinda suck in three years when we all live on floating rafts with Kevin Costner because the entire Earth is covered with ravenous giant insects and we look back and say, you know, dang it, we could have avoided all of this with a single well placed napalm strike of that little isolated valley?  Pass the sea cucumber, Kevin.

Anyway, here is the largest damn thing I have ever seen eating a carrot that also isn’t adorable.  Ick.

Anyway, apparently this is the heaviest whatever the hell it is, it’s wonderful and special and I can’t help but think I want it deaddeaddead.  So much for the wonders of nature for me I guess.

There’s another picture here, but it won’t make you forget the first one any better.  Talk about the willies.

Dog Shaking

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God Bless high speed photography for capturing the exact way I feel some days when I realize I haven’t had a cup of coffee and it’s 10:45am.  I feel normal, I just look this way to others.  It takes a while to notice….

Go and have a gander at these awesome and hilarious pics for yourself, they are beautifully done.

Carli Davidson Pet Photography

I just know that Lloyd has one of these in him, if any photographer was foolish enough to risk his or her equipment in the spray….

via @Metro Ottawa

 

Pizza IS a vegetable, of course.

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Thank heavens the US Congress is really taking this whole childhood obesity problem seriously, and will soon be passing some laws to make sure that kids eat more vegetables.  The solution was embarrassingly easy, and they can’t believe they didn’t think of it before now:  Write a little law, and bam, pizza IS a vegetable!  Done.  I’m sure that failing to resist those lobbying corporations that keep you all fat will have no adverse financial consequences later on, like health care.

Good job!

Healthy Schools Campaign

Associated Press

Boing Boing

 

Cael’s Greatest Hits

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I had been saving a few choice Cael-isms up for a future post, or for use in another way, but it never happened for one reason or another.  So here is a list of some of Cael’s better moments.  To say that the kid has a gift is probably an understatement, he’s only 7 and regularly cracks us up.  So, without further ado, some raw unfiltered goodness from the man himself:

Cael on music:

There is no rock and roll in Arnprior, it’s just a bunch of singers and banjos.  A bunch of honey bunnies  and slow motion singers.

Cael on Arnprior, again (perhaps a tad harsh?)

Arnprior is just like a village where no one has water, like in Rango.

Cael once mentioned about how we don’t have cable TV anymore, and when he does get a chance to watch it there often doesn’t seem to be anything on…

Daytime television is just a bunch of “So Barbaras” (pronounce that phonetically and you get “soap operas”)

Cael on getting kisses from Nikki before leaving for school in the morning.

He comes flying into the bathroom doing some serious karate chopping and fancy footwork going Hiya! Hiya! and I laughed and he says, “I’m the LOVE NINJA! – here for my lovin’s”

Cael on how amazing his beautiful mom is:

You smell like when unicorns existed.  <looks around> Don’t tell anybody, it might get out of hand…

Cael after Trick-or-treating for little while, starts to feel a little tired and asks:

How long have we been hitting the sacks, anyway?

Cael on putting on his precious hockey team toque for the first time:

Ahh, it still has that new toque smell.

Cael got into trouble last year with his teacher, and she was going to punish him and call us to tell us about it.

Mrs. C – “I’m calling your mother”

Cael – “No, I’ll make you a deal”

Mrs. C – “Ok,”…..

Cael – “I’ll give you 50 pushups if you don’t call my mom”

Mrs. C - “I’m calling your mother”

…. and she did

Buddy, you are just the frigging best.  Don’t change one bit.  If you know one I have forgotten, by all means comment and remind me.

Seeing Eye Dog for another dog

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Until I saw this story about a blind Great Dane with her seeing eye dog buddy, I had never heard of this phenomenon before.

I love this idea, actually.  It could make things a LOT easier as Harvey’s eyesight gets worse.  I can totally see us tying Harvey to Lloyd to act as his Slobbering Eye Dog.  Sure, Harvey might end up going places he would rather not go, at speeds that his legs don’t actually travel at, with very little regard for Harvey’s actual physical well-being, but at least we can be sure that he didn’t wander off alone.  I’m actually starting to envision the ever present danger of signs, lamp posts, trees, small children (who am I kidding, that clothesline would take down most adults).  Harvey would probably be flapping along like a wet plastic grocery bag behind Lloyd, likely in the direction of the closest mud hole.

On second thought, maybe that’s not really such a good idea?

PS, for anyone concerned, Harvey’s eyesight is slipping a bit, but he was still able to chase a bunny out of our yard at 1pm the other night, weaving through the play structure with pretty good tracking, and didn’t knock himself out cold, so I’m thinking that we won’t need Lloyd to step it up for a bit.

You are as old as you think you might be, kinda

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Recent breakfast conversation:

Cael: “Would you say I am basically 8 years old?” (Cael turns 8 in January, and is rather eager to do so)

Dad: “Not yet, buddy.”

Cael: “Am I mentally 8 years old?”

Quinn (choking down a spoonful of cereal to answer immediately): “You can just decide how old you want to be mentally, you can be 35 if you want.  Jeez.”

I hope this translates well to the web, I laughed myself silly about this one.  It was Quinn’s semi-outraged, authoritative tone that did it to me.  My god, I am raising him into an exact replica of myself it seems.  Hopefully without the teenage acne though.  And finishing post secondary school would be good.  There are other traits that he could also do without, but that’s another post.