I won’t tell you where I had the pleasure of trying this piece of medical equipment out, but let’s just examine the dubious marketing at play here for a moment.  From the (twisted) mind of Dr. Ho, A Pain Relief Expert comes the catchy name:  Circulation Promoter.  That’s it.  It sounds almost helpful, but that name is deadly boring and I propose, downright deceptive.  My circulation may not require promoting, I actually don’t know for sure.  But after trying this device out, I definitely question Dr. Ho’s title of “Pain relief expert”.  I therefore have a better name in mind, keep reading.

Before we rename it, I thought I would explore the product’s features and functions.  I can tell you from personal experience that this evil little device relieves way more symptoms than just those listed here.  For starters I quickly found that it relieved me of “taking for granted I have full muscle control of my lower extremities”, and also relief from “forgetting that we are mostly made of water and electricity does frigging weird and painful things to us”.

Overall, a better name for this product would have been “Sparky Sweatstain’s Downed Power Line Simulator”.  It more accurately describes the product’s use and the experience you have while using it.  For instance; I have never seen my feet and toes do THAT before.  It’s like watching a horror movie starring ten little contortionists.  They all went to market, and they came back changed forever.

I fully expect a call from Dr. Ho’s people to discuss acquiring my copyright, and payment thereof.