I have a papercut on the tip of my pinky finger.  It makes typing slightly unpleasant, each keystroke in the top left area of the keyboard hurts a tiny bit.

Whiny-assed bitching like that is about all I have to really worry about in my coddled cozy first world life.  Unlike this 56 year old Russian Grandmother, who was tending her herd of sheep and cows (which is still a thing in, oh, EVERYWHERE but North America let’s say) when a wolf attacked her herd.  A wild, horrible wolf the size of the Mini Cooper I parked my minivan next to this morning and admired as I walked to work with my travel mug full of coffee (aw fiddlesticks, it’s almost too cold to be enjoyable now).

So anyway, this woman was tending the animals that are rather singularly important to her livelihood and survival on this planet, when a tremendously scary predator decided to eat one of her calves.  Not today, comrade.  She managed to save the calf the wolf tried to eat, only to have the wolf attack her for her trouble.  It bit her hand and wouldn’t let go, despite her efforts to pry it’s enormous terrible mouth open.  I don’t know about you, but my wolf-attack-defence repertoire is pretty thin after 1) shriek like a girl and 2) wet pants.  Not this lady.

Mrs Maksudova explained she wanted to throttle the wolf to death but was  forced to reach for her axe when she could not prise the animal’s jaws open.

‘So I just left my hand, and the wolf was just clawing into it, pulling on  it, pulling away like this,’ she said.

‘And then I took the axe and hit him on the head.’

Nope, her SECOND go-do is to grab her axe.  Honestly.  Her FIRST instinct was to choke the wolf to death with her BARE HANDS.  Stupid wolf, bringing a million years of cold-blooded evolution-honed killing to a bare handed fight with a grandmother.  Yep, her bare hands are her most deadly, reliable weapon, followed by her steel axe.  My bare hand hurt a lot pressing down on some keys just to tell you this.

Jebus, but remind me again to never ever cross a Russian grandmother.

Go read the article, but mostly watch the video of this remarkable, dangerous lady.