A new menace has arisen, only God knows where he will strike next (but probably at the next IHOP).  A terrifying bandit wearing an empty Bud Light case on his head robbed a convenience store in the early hours on Monday morning.  The sheer diabolical competence of the supervillain was such that he was able to rob the store and get away with 9 whole packages of cigarettes.  Yes packages, not cartons.  The estimated haul is difficult to conceive but it probably adds up to almost, ALMOST 50 bucks.  Incredible.

Police advise the public to be on the lookout for a man with a large, square, box shaped head with cigarette smoke billowing out from underneath.  Suspect is considered to be slow, dimwitted, and probably has a pronounced cough. It’s considered very likely that he will don a Three Wolf Moon shirt to become well nigh invincible soon.

Terrifying times.  Hug your children tonight.