Given that I am a huge asthmatic geek, I never got the whole sports thing like most red-blooded males. I never played them, and so I really never watch them on TV or follow them in any way. I am utterly insulated from them, which makes me a wussy I suppose.  Oh well, it’s too late now since I have already procreated and so have possibly passed on my “sports indifferent” genes.

That’s why I enjoyed this one from Wired today, a bit about how if athletes can take performance enhancing drugs, why can’t the spectators take drugs to enhance the experience of watching sports?

It’s funny stuff, here’s an excerpt:

Temporistil
This drug was designed for watching baseball. Baseball, for those not in the know, is a relatively slow-moving game. If you’re used to something faster-paced, like photographing lunar eclipses, you might find baseball something like watching a porn video where the plumber arrives and actually installs a new water heater before getting down to the good stuff. That’s where Temporistil comes in; it alters your perception of time so that the few seconds where there’s action on the field slow down like an extremely overused special effect, and the rest of the time — when the players are adjusting themselves and taking romantic strolls up to the pitcher’s mound — gets compressed into a few instants. Side effects include dizziness, nausea and falling asleep while waiting for the peanut guy’s toss to reach you.

Amen, brother.