Now, I happen to be someone who knows what side his bread is buttered on. I mean that, despite my appearance, I’m not stupid. When I pull my sidearm and take aim on my foot, I know enough to stop and think. Really.

So, when it comes down to matters of religion, I gladly defer to my beautiful wife Nikki. She is our religious authority at home. She is kindly and tolerates my heathen tendencies. I will now be testing the limits of that tolerance by linking to this site.

The gist of this is the Kansas school board was requiring that creationism be given equal time with the theory of evolution in science class. The author of the letter on that site is merely requesting that they also give equal time to the study of the Flying Spaghetti Monster theory. This is the theory that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster, and that if we don’t teach everyone his way, while dressed as a pirate, he becomes angry. In fact the author goes on to show how the global decline in pirates is directly proportional to global warming. We have all been touched by his Noodly Appendage in some way or another.

Pure gold.

Yes, it’s sacrilicious, and no I don’t think Nikki will think any worse of me. I sure hope not, because I’m a also firm supporter of the “golden heavenly loophole” that should allow me to squeak my way past the big bouncer at the pearly gates because I’m married to a Catholic. It’s like that old “I forgot my wallet, here’s my keys” trick to get into a busy bar, only it’s my soul and eternal salvation. Same thing.

RAmen, brother.