Rapid-fire round-up of strange things I keep hoping to write something funnier than this about. No time, no time.

In-vehicle toilet for the incontinent – Nikki could have used this one today
Adrenaline Strips – melt-on-your-tongue caffeine strips, in case you don’t have time to digest coffee for some reason. Man.
Squirrel Taxidermic Flask – Because nothing says surreptitious like sucking on the decapitated corpse of a furry tree dwelling rodent. Nothing to see here, move along.
The HeadBlade – a razor specifically designed to shave your coconut. Bet they didn’t design this thing for a head with the radius of mine…
Wake ‘n Bacon – Needs no explanation, and this would be the clear winner to the evil maniacal scientist alarm clocks I wrote about previously.
And finally,
Airbag ass cheeks – Toyota’s next generation airbags with an unfortunate resemblance. I’m sorry to say that the Sienna doesn’t already have an explosive butt hidden inside the steering wheel to erupt into my face in the event of an accident, but maybe the next one we buy will… Although if the accident is bad enough, it does save you the trouble of bending over to kiss your own butt goodbye. If you do survive, it’s also more or less fore-shadowing the position you are likely to be in trying to get insurance on your next vehicle with all those accidents on your record.