Sometimes the gods shine down brightly on mediocre blog writers such as myself. While things don’t come that easily most days, sometimes you get days like this:

First off, a would-be robber in Indiana managed to almost Darwin himself by somehow shooting himself in the fuzzy buddies while robbing a store. Maybe he was holding himself hostage in order to get the money.

Robber: Don’t make me shoot them man! I’ll blow them right off, I will. Give me the money.

Clerk: Uh, go ahead.

Robber: I mean it, I’ll do it.

Clerk: I’ll manage, go ahead.

Apparently he did go ahead. Anyway, the cops picked him up later and charged him with stupidity.

Then we go to Virginia, where a lawmaker introduced a ban on (I kid you not) displaying replica genitalia on vehicles. Yes, these kinds of things write themselves. Apparently in Virginia it’s all the rage for beer soaked rednecks to hang rubber testicles from their trucks’ trailer hitches. Forgetting the absolute silliness of that, even more shocking is the inability of God-fearing folk there to explain this phenomenon to their children.

He said the idea came from a constituent whose young daughter spotted an example of the trail hitch adornment and asked her father to explain it.

“’I didn’t know what to tell her,”’ Spruill said the constituent told him before Spruill vowed to stop such displays.

Didn’t know what to tell her? Just what exactly was the struggle there? Hm let’s see, do I tell her that boy trucks have testicles and lay on top of girl trucks to make eetle wee trucks? Or do I tell her that those are fake testicles that are supposed to represent the supposed virility of the brain dead driver? Or maybe I say that the driver is an overly macho redneck and therefore may be overcompensating for a puzzling lack of sexual attraction to the female sex? Hm. Nope, sounds like I should write my congressman. Yep, this is a job for the government.

So there you have it. Virginia is for lovers, just not lovers of rubber truck nuts (which incidentally is a great band name: Rubber Truck Nut Lover).