Yeah, where is everybody? I check this site daily, which just goes to show how exciting *my* workday is 😉 What happened to the Rename the Blog Contest? So far my two entries are tied for the best suggestions. Minor point that they are the only submissions thus far…

The following story contains scenes of violence and coarse language, so reader discretion is advised.

This morning I’m out for a run, and I go past this little fenced yard where a vicious little mutt has a conniption, barking and hurling itself at the 18-inch-high “fence” around its yard in a savage attempt to get me. I go on, reflecting on the bad temper of little dogs and wondering if it is that they have Small Dog Syndrome or if people who own small dogs just raise them to be sociable only with their owners. Interesting psychological study there, I muse. Anyway, the sound of mad barking is finally fading in the distance when I come round another corner to see some old fellow exiting his house on the opposite side of the street. Suddenly, in a blizzard of fury, I’m set upon by his two little white dogs, which come streaking across the road (where is the fucking traffic when you need it?) and immediately begin biting my ankles. Now, bear in mind, I am RUNNING already, okay, so it isn’t like I can pull a “no sudden moves and soothing voice” routine to spare myself. I slow up thinking the owner will call them back, but no, he fires up a cigarette and stares blankly at the unfolding scene. Vicious Beast A gets a death grip on my left leg–grazing the ankle, but mainly just catching its teeth in my running tights, and I lift/drag it three perilous strides before I can get stopped. VB-B, meanwhile, is making lightning-fast rushes at my right leg. Little fucker probably bit me 4 times for every dodge I made. It was insane. VB-A finally lets go of my left leg, the better to bite me again, presumably, but I take this opportunity to run away, and if I crush any fucking little dogs while doing so, fair play to me. They of course pursue me, snapping and biting, but with my superior height and training, I quickly outpace them 😉 So as I’m running on, I look back to yell at the owner and do you know what he’s doing? Getting into his car, with his back to the entire scene, as if nothing at all has happened. Unbelievable. I mean, his fucking dogs BIT me, and if I weren’t such a decent person one or both of them might have been kicked into next week. And decent person or not, if they’d happened to attack Tristan instead of me, so help me Jesus, there’d be two more little dogs in the pits of hell today, where they belong.